Coping With Negativity

No matter who you are or where you are from, it seems to me anyway, everyone has to experience negativity in this world.  I find it interesting so let us dissect it a moment, shall we?

People already seem to have a hard time understanding each other.  Ten people can see the same movie, read the same story, or hear the same song, and perceive completely different things.

Next, stress comes in a multitude of forms.  Think of the stress of not having any money compared to the stress of having too much money (winning the lottery, say).  Compare the stress of getting into a good college, or the stress of dating with the stress of your cat running away from home, or the stress of finding you have diabetes or losing your eye to a tragic rubber band incident.

It seems like we are all hurtling through space unable to escape what appears to be certain negativity.  Because the negativity comes in so many forms, we feel isolated by our personal negativity and unable to help others with theirs, which only causes more stress.  The internet and other technology has made it easier for others with similar types of stress to find each other, and they form groups and I'm told that this is a very useful way to cope.  If stress is everywhere in this world, and we are indeed finding ways to reduce it, much like finding a cure to a disease, can we say this is progress in society that we don't even realize we are making?  Is the technology breeding more stress with every bit it takes away.  Is there a fixed quantity of stress on Earth like energy that can neither be created or destroyed but only change forms?  Whoa.

I have been under different forms of stress lately, and I assume I am dealing with it well.  I do wonder sometimes how much stress I am under, on a stress scale.  I always assume others have more stress than I do: kids, car problems, relationship problems, I don't know, I guess I feel like I have little I should complain about.  But scratch the surface, I'm dealing with a major family loss, a major career change, dealing with mounting debt from college, all the while my wife is going through the same types of life changes too.

I bring this up because drinking is typically a universal constant for dealing with stress, at least stereotypically.  I think I blogged before about trying to find a different outlet - hopefully a healthy one, to let go of stress.  Sadly, exercise has not yet entered into the running.  I guess I have been keeping so busy at work and I do like my job, that working late actually feels rewarding, so, much like when I was a teenager, work is the cause of and solution to some of my stresses.

Anybody out there care to let me know a way of unwinding that doesn't involve drinking or exercise?

No messing around: A sober Vegas Trip

Audra and I decided we needed to get away for a weekend. We really have not had much chance to take a trip just the two of us. In fact, the last time we did that was almost 7 years ago, about the time I promised her I would take her to Vegas. We only stayed two nights and three days, but man did we make the most of it.

I will say that being sober made it a very different trip compared to my previous ones - of course so does being with your Wife, so it's hard to say. No drunken adventures or crazy tales like in the movies. It was okay for this purpose, which was to introduce Audra to the more wholesome side of the city. One thing I have noticed about staying sober is that it is much easier to do in a larger group. If you are with only one or two other people, and those people are drinking, time behaves differently. It makes sense, there seems to be so much more to talk about when there is alcohol involved.

Vegas removes barriers - you can drink on the street, you never have to drive, and sure the drinks are expensive, but so is the diet coke:) This post will contrast the last post by saying that this trip made the positive side of drinking very evident, but that didn't mean I was about to have one - even though what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas;)

She didn't mind either, she will come back later with her girlfriends and misbehave. At least she will know her way around now!

Dark side of drinking

I've spent a good amount of time calling out the negative side of drinking, such as the money, the hangover, the lost time, the lack of control, ... but there is something else too.  And by the way, today I am talking about DRINKING, not having one or two, or getting a little tipsy.  I mean getting drunk, and you all know what I mean.

It impairs you physically - you can't walk a straight line or drive a car properly, your reaction time is weakened, your senses are dulled.  But psychologically something is going on too.  When I am the only one in the room that is sober, it is easy to call me out as "not getting it" because I am sober, but I get it perfectly, I just don't like it.  The fact that drinking makes a person come out of their shell and causes parties to be more fun and boring times to be more tolerable is simply a lie that society tells itself to justify running from your reality.

It's no wonder why - I would say less than 5 percent of people I know, myself included, don't have at least some reasonable level of chaos going on in their life that warrants an periodic escape.  These things can be as serious as a death in the family or marital troubles.  They can be obscure like a general feeling like you are not living the life you wanted to.  They can be trivial like forgetting to add the right name to an email, causing you to have to work till midnight to repair the problem it caused.

Some people turn to different drugs, some turn to different releases altogether.

A good friend of mine said "there isn't any problem that a little drinking couldn't make worse."  I'm not saying I am above any of it.  I was perfectly steeped in it myself.  And I don't mean that two drinks at the bar after work is running from your life, thats different.  I mean real drinking - and the way it makes people behave.  The way that it makes some men fight, and others cry.  The way it makes people do things they shouldn't do, say things they shouldn't say, and almost always say it in a sloppy way.  Hey, that rhymes.

Oh, and what does it mean for someone like me, who has just admitted to going to the dark side of drinking - where did that dark side go, how did I deal with my problems, how did I magically get over this desire to run from my problems?

You are expecting me to be holier than thou and say that I faced my demons and I slayed them.  But that isn't true at all.  The truth is I haven't gotten over any of them, I haven't changed a bit.  I would love to go out and misbehave and not be held accountable (though you are still held accountable).  Those problems are always at arms reach - but every day I tell them to piss off, because they'll never get me to take that drink.

Three months in

Well, I'm in the thick of it now.   By now, not drinking has become the norm and drinking seems weird.  Life's been a bit stressful lately, for reasons I won't get into here.  It's ok though, I need to go through some of that without having a case of beer to run to.  It's all part of it I guess.

I'm going to Las Vegas with my wife in a couple weeks.  It's funny, this will be my first trip to Vegas without a drop of alcohol.  I went there when I was 15.  I ordered a strawberry daiquiri at the pool, assuming the bartender would make me a nonalcoholic one.  I was wrong, and got the real thing.  Split with two friends, I think I only had a sip. Funny though that I will drink nothing on this trip.

Its funny, I need to start thinking about my cholesterol.  Studies have shown that two drinks per day greatly increases levels of good cholesterol.  They are quick to report, however, that three or more drinks per day greatly increases the chance of liver disease, heart failure, and blah blah blah.  Its like even the doctors are looking at you and saying "why can't you just have a couple?"  Talk about walking a fine line.  Geez.  Just figure out whatever is in the booze that is raising your good levels, and put it in a pill.  "Four out of five doctors recommend phillips brand vodka with your cereal to start your day off right."

I'll stick to exercise, thanks.

Happy Thanksgiving

I was on food shopping duty last night.  I had to get this and that for the big dinner today, and I also had to go and buy three bottles of wine.  It was such a strange feeling, looking for the wine.  I've been to many bars since quitting drinking and it has not been a problem.  People drinking in front of me saying "aw, geez sorry man" thinking that it is eating away at me, but it is not.

But picking up a bottle of Pinot Noir or Cabernet, holding it and looking at it, I somehow visualize drinking it so much more clearly.  Suddenly the thought of how thin the wall between drinking and not drinking really is became evident.  There is nothing stopping me from buying it and walking out of there, cracking it open and drinking it.

I remember it was a few Thanksgivings ago when I was hungover from partying the night before.  I hardly had any food and I really didn't feel well.  How embarrassing.  But that is the thing about drinking: you can drink the exact same way two different times and get a different outcome.  One time you will wake up and feel fine, another time you will have a splitting headache and feel nauseous.  Those are the times when your wife will chastise you for not knowing your limits.  The truth is, we don't know because our limits are always moving about on us.

Be honest and tell me there hasn't been one time when you have only two or three drinks and still wake up feeling like crap, and at least one time when you have 8 or 9 drinks and wake up feeling like a brand new person?  I know there are all the theories - liquor then beer, in the clear, beer then liquor, never been sicker.  The world you are in when you start applying that math has little reason to it anyways, its no wonder the hangovers have no reason to them as well.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.  Take a moment to forget your struggles and worries and think of at least three things you are thankful for.  They don't have to be big things, sometimes the smaller things bring us the most happiness.  Like a small shot of whiskey.  Just kidding.

Snow

We had our first snow this weekend, pretty much the first time we've seen snow since March, making this the longest summer I have ever seen here in Minnesota.  Audra and I spent some time shopping today and went through some Christmas displays.  As I go through them I think of all the past Christmases and holiday seasons gone by and how warm the memories are even though the events were in the cold winter.

Drinking events typical to any holiday season November 25 - January 1:
Night before Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving Day
Various friend's Holiday parties (or our own)
Audra's Work holiday party
Christmas Eve
Christmas Day Night
New Years Eve
New Years Day (Lithuanian Style New Years)

I'm not saying these are all heavy drinking events - just times when Alcohol is served and consumed by me without fail over the last 10 years or so.  Thats 8 confirmed drinking episodes in 5 weeks that I will be skipping out on this year.  As I like to look at it - 8 confirmed hangovers avoided:)

Things are going well otherwise.  I am officially into the point where friends have accepted the sobriety.  I made mention of drinking to a friend at work, and he misunderstood me to think I was planning on giving up.  He really perked up and told me not drink - to go through with my year.  I had no intention of drinking, but it was neat to see a friend go from wondering why I am doing this to rooting for my success.

Thanks again to all those who periodically tune in to this, I promise, I have more interesting posts in mind that I am working on!

About Two Months In

I know I said I would write about drinking games, but screw it, its been a tough couple of weeks and I guess I am in the mood to write whatever I feel like instead.  It's amazing, I have found, how cracking a bottle of root beer can feel very much the same as cracking an actual beer.  The feel of the bottle in your hand, the sound that taking the cap off makes.  Heck, the sound of chucking it into the trash when you finish it and crack a second one - all psychological things that seem to reward your brain in some strange way, just like alcohol did.

I actually dislike discovering those things, because they make me feel like our brains are simpler than they are, you know?  Like knowing that you can train yourself to drool on command like Pavlov's dog, I don't like knowing that about people, especially not about myself.

I think philosophers then distinguish the mind and the soul as two completely separate entities, and I agree with that. It seems to me, the "soul" is something that is apparently tormented and shackled by the weaker "mind" which is the part of you that wants to stay up late playing video games to reward itself with dopamine.

I suppose the nice thing about knowing the distinction is that I can then begin to train my "mind" so that it eventually brings my "soul" to where it can grow and flourish.  I know that the body is the vessel that carries the mind and soul around, but what then is the "spirit"?  (mind, body, spirit, soul, right?)

Oh well, happy two months in:) Ten to go...