I was on food shopping duty last night. I had to get this and that for the big dinner today, and I also had to go and buy three bottles of wine. It was such a strange feeling, looking for the wine. I've been to many bars since quitting drinking and it has not been a problem. People drinking in front of me saying "aw, geez sorry man" thinking that it is eating away at me, but it is not.
But picking up a bottle of Pinot Noir or Cabernet, holding it and looking at it, I somehow visualize drinking it so much more clearly. Suddenly the thought of how thin the wall between drinking and not drinking really is became evident. There is nothing stopping me from buying it and walking out of there, cracking it open and drinking it.
I remember it was a few Thanksgivings ago when I was hungover from partying the night before. I hardly had any food and I really didn't feel well. How embarrassing. But that is the thing about drinking: you can drink the exact same way two different times and get a different outcome. One time you will wake up and feel fine, another time you will have a splitting headache and feel nauseous. Those are the times when your wife will chastise you for not knowing your limits. The truth is, we don't know because our limits are always moving about on us.
Be honest and tell me there hasn't been one time when you have only two or three drinks and still wake up feeling like crap, and at least one time when you have 8 or 9 drinks and wake up feeling like a brand new person? I know there are all the theories - liquor then beer, in the clear, beer then liquor, never been sicker. The world you are in when you start applying that math has little reason to it anyways, its no wonder the hangovers have no reason to them as well.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all. Take a moment to forget your struggles and worries and think of at least three things you are thankful for. They don't have to be big things, sometimes the smaller things bring us the most happiness. Like a small shot of whiskey. Just kidding.
I found recently I can still get the "pangs" in situations like the one you described. It happens rarely for me now (used to happen every 5 minutes), but it can be very very strong. Like you are being physically affected. What I do is walk away. Get away from that grog section. Walk away from that bar, or situation. The pangs go. It helps me to see any downside to not drinking as "collateral damage" (as the Americans would say) in the greater war of (insert reason why you stopped).
ReplyDeleteYea I'm careful not to attribute too much to drinking. It's tempting to want to say "all those times I woke up tired, feeling miserable, achy stomach, etc... are going to go away when I'm sober". And some of those symptoms end up sticking around. So it's kind of a downer.
ReplyDeleteThere is a plus side though. At least you now know these things are not caused by drinking, and you can focus on figuring out how to eliminate them instead of tossing them aside as hangover effects. "Boy my stomach hurts this morning, but it hurt last weekend and I thought it was the booze. I bet it was the spicy pepperoni pizza at 1am that I had last night that did it, not the liquor that I thought it was since I didn't drink last night."