Dark side of drinking

I've spent a good amount of time calling out the negative side of drinking, such as the money, the hangover, the lost time, the lack of control, ... but there is something else too.  And by the way, today I am talking about DRINKING, not having one or two, or getting a little tipsy.  I mean getting drunk, and you all know what I mean.

It impairs you physically - you can't walk a straight line or drive a car properly, your reaction time is weakened, your senses are dulled.  But psychologically something is going on too.  When I am the only one in the room that is sober, it is easy to call me out as "not getting it" because I am sober, but I get it perfectly, I just don't like it.  The fact that drinking makes a person come out of their shell and causes parties to be more fun and boring times to be more tolerable is simply a lie that society tells itself to justify running from your reality.

It's no wonder why - I would say less than 5 percent of people I know, myself included, don't have at least some reasonable level of chaos going on in their life that warrants an periodic escape.  These things can be as serious as a death in the family or marital troubles.  They can be obscure like a general feeling like you are not living the life you wanted to.  They can be trivial like forgetting to add the right name to an email, causing you to have to work till midnight to repair the problem it caused.

Some people turn to different drugs, some turn to different releases altogether.

A good friend of mine said "there isn't any problem that a little drinking couldn't make worse."  I'm not saying I am above any of it.  I was perfectly steeped in it myself.  And I don't mean that two drinks at the bar after work is running from your life, thats different.  I mean real drinking - and the way it makes people behave.  The way that it makes some men fight, and others cry.  The way it makes people do things they shouldn't do, say things they shouldn't say, and almost always say it in a sloppy way.  Hey, that rhymes.

Oh, and what does it mean for someone like me, who has just admitted to going to the dark side of drinking - where did that dark side go, how did I deal with my problems, how did I magically get over this desire to run from my problems?

You are expecting me to be holier than thou and say that I faced my demons and I slayed them.  But that isn't true at all.  The truth is I haven't gotten over any of them, I haven't changed a bit.  I would love to go out and misbehave and not be held accountable (though you are still held accountable).  Those problems are always at arms reach - but every day I tell them to piss off, because they'll never get me to take that drink.

Three months in

Well, I'm in the thick of it now.   By now, not drinking has become the norm and drinking seems weird.  Life's been a bit stressful lately, for reasons I won't get into here.  It's ok though, I need to go through some of that without having a case of beer to run to.  It's all part of it I guess.

I'm going to Las Vegas with my wife in a couple weeks.  It's funny, this will be my first trip to Vegas without a drop of alcohol.  I went there when I was 15.  I ordered a strawberry daiquiri at the pool, assuming the bartender would make me a nonalcoholic one.  I was wrong, and got the real thing.  Split with two friends, I think I only had a sip. Funny though that I will drink nothing on this trip.

Its funny, I need to start thinking about my cholesterol.  Studies have shown that two drinks per day greatly increases levels of good cholesterol.  They are quick to report, however, that three or more drinks per day greatly increases the chance of liver disease, heart failure, and blah blah blah.  Its like even the doctors are looking at you and saying "why can't you just have a couple?"  Talk about walking a fine line.  Geez.  Just figure out whatever is in the booze that is raising your good levels, and put it in a pill.  "Four out of five doctors recommend phillips brand vodka with your cereal to start your day off right."

I'll stick to exercise, thanks.

Happy Thanksgiving

I was on food shopping duty last night.  I had to get this and that for the big dinner today, and I also had to go and buy three bottles of wine.  It was such a strange feeling, looking for the wine.  I've been to many bars since quitting drinking and it has not been a problem.  People drinking in front of me saying "aw, geez sorry man" thinking that it is eating away at me, but it is not.

But picking up a bottle of Pinot Noir or Cabernet, holding it and looking at it, I somehow visualize drinking it so much more clearly.  Suddenly the thought of how thin the wall between drinking and not drinking really is became evident.  There is nothing stopping me from buying it and walking out of there, cracking it open and drinking it.

I remember it was a few Thanksgivings ago when I was hungover from partying the night before.  I hardly had any food and I really didn't feel well.  How embarrassing.  But that is the thing about drinking: you can drink the exact same way two different times and get a different outcome.  One time you will wake up and feel fine, another time you will have a splitting headache and feel nauseous.  Those are the times when your wife will chastise you for not knowing your limits.  The truth is, we don't know because our limits are always moving about on us.

Be honest and tell me there hasn't been one time when you have only two or three drinks and still wake up feeling like crap, and at least one time when you have 8 or 9 drinks and wake up feeling like a brand new person?  I know there are all the theories - liquor then beer, in the clear, beer then liquor, never been sicker.  The world you are in when you start applying that math has little reason to it anyways, its no wonder the hangovers have no reason to them as well.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.  Take a moment to forget your struggles and worries and think of at least three things you are thankful for.  They don't have to be big things, sometimes the smaller things bring us the most happiness.  Like a small shot of whiskey.  Just kidding.

Snow

We had our first snow this weekend, pretty much the first time we've seen snow since March, making this the longest summer I have ever seen here in Minnesota.  Audra and I spent some time shopping today and went through some Christmas displays.  As I go through them I think of all the past Christmases and holiday seasons gone by and how warm the memories are even though the events were in the cold winter.

Drinking events typical to any holiday season November 25 - January 1:
Night before Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving Day
Various friend's Holiday parties (or our own)
Audra's Work holiday party
Christmas Eve
Christmas Day Night
New Years Eve
New Years Day (Lithuanian Style New Years)

I'm not saying these are all heavy drinking events - just times when Alcohol is served and consumed by me without fail over the last 10 years or so.  Thats 8 confirmed drinking episodes in 5 weeks that I will be skipping out on this year.  As I like to look at it - 8 confirmed hangovers avoided:)

Things are going well otherwise.  I am officially into the point where friends have accepted the sobriety.  I made mention of drinking to a friend at work, and he misunderstood me to think I was planning on giving up.  He really perked up and told me not drink - to go through with my year.  I had no intention of drinking, but it was neat to see a friend go from wondering why I am doing this to rooting for my success.

Thanks again to all those who periodically tune in to this, I promise, I have more interesting posts in mind that I am working on!

About Two Months In

I know I said I would write about drinking games, but screw it, its been a tough couple of weeks and I guess I am in the mood to write whatever I feel like instead.  It's amazing, I have found, how cracking a bottle of root beer can feel very much the same as cracking an actual beer.  The feel of the bottle in your hand, the sound that taking the cap off makes.  Heck, the sound of chucking it into the trash when you finish it and crack a second one - all psychological things that seem to reward your brain in some strange way, just like alcohol did.

I actually dislike discovering those things, because they make me feel like our brains are simpler than they are, you know?  Like knowing that you can train yourself to drool on command like Pavlov's dog, I don't like knowing that about people, especially not about myself.

I think philosophers then distinguish the mind and the soul as two completely separate entities, and I agree with that. It seems to me, the "soul" is something that is apparently tormented and shackled by the weaker "mind" which is the part of you that wants to stay up late playing video games to reward itself with dopamine.

I suppose the nice thing about knowing the distinction is that I can then begin to train my "mind" so that it eventually brings my "soul" to where it can grow and flourish.  I know that the body is the vessel that carries the mind and soul around, but what then is the "spirit"?  (mind, body, spirit, soul, right?)

Oh well, happy two months in:) Ten to go...

Happy Halloween!!

Halloween has long been one of my favorite holidays.  Everyone should love an excuse to open your imagination and pretend to be someone else for a night.  Halloween 2003 was my first date with my wife Audra - I was dressed as Neo from the Matrix.  I asked her years later if I had chosen to be dressed like a clown or something silly, if we still would have ended up hitting it off that night.  She said probably not.

Halloween had historically been a big drinking night for me as well.  Being dressed like someone else and being drunk gave me a total cop out on reality, as well as everyone around me.  It's odd to think that as I was running around as a child, gathering pounds of candy, that I should have been much more concerned about drunk drivers rather than kidnappers.

I had a really busy week so I will go back to talking about drinking games after this.  A few years ago when I was not drinking I spent Halloween sober, and I actually had a bummer of a time.  I dwelled on that night in particular when evaluating how drinking impacted my behavior/attitude at parties.  I concluded that I was hanging around a lame crowd of people that night.  I never saw any of them again.  The truth is, several Halloweens since had been upset by alcohol.  Complications from not being able to drive, waiting in line to get into bars, looking for cabs - sorts of things that are directly the result of drinking, is what has caused several Halloween nights to end up in shambles, canceling out any benefits the drinking may have initially caused.

Drinking Games

I've been working a lot lately, which is a good thing, however, one thing it makes clear is how much I miss a beer after a long day - like an 11 hour day.  Oh well, the time does fly by once you get to around the two month mark.

I have a friend in her early twenties and who once told me she hardly ever drinks - that she hates the taste of alcohol, and therefore rarely gets drunk, if ever.  I thought about this for a while and drew some conclusions about myself and my own drinking.  Of course I didn't like the taste of alcohol either when I first tried it.  Beer, wine, liquor, everything tasted terrible.  The only way me and my friends could think of touching the stuff is by making a competition out of it.

We played drinking games to get as much alcohol into our bodies as quickly as possible.  This method of harsh conditioning is what eventually led to sipping on a beer while playing the drinking games.  Once we hit that point, it was clear we had entered into a new level of maturity - we no longer drank with the sole intent to get drunk, but as something to do while we did stuff.

I believe that if someone didn't go through pulverizing their body into simply submitting to the taste of booze - at a young age when that ridiculous activity is condoned, then chances are they never will.  This is how you have people who walk around saying "I don't drink because I don't like the taste."

I will go into a couple of the games in the next posts, because who knows, maybe you will like them:)

Innocent Reminder

Had a mild headache last night and woke up with a strong headache this morning.  Trying to think of the cause, and landed on the flu shot I got Friday afternoon mixed with working on the house yesterday upsetting that shoulder and spreading the ache to my neck/head.  Right or wrong about the cause, it reminds me full well of waking up with a hangover from drinking.  I thought I would make the most of it here.

First 20 minutes of a hangover for me: I wake up, and the headache makes me remember the drinks I had that caused it.  Remembering the drinks usually leads to a sick feeling and a sudden rush of guilt or embarrassment as I remember the money that flitted away with the bar tab, or remember anything stupid I did or said through the evening.  I try to think of some genius way to eliminate the hangover, usually imagining that a hot shower ought to do it.  I take one, and find that the hot water will run out long before the hangover does.  I crawl back into bed, unable to find a comfortable position and try to go back to sleep, but rarely do.

By the way, thanks Mark for putting me on to a few other blogs where people are going through the same thing - one from Australia!  I love technology today.  I plan to take time to read through these.  It will take a while, they are more towards the six month point in the journey.

Identifying triggers

I have run across a couple of triggers lately that have made me want to drink.  So yes, to any of you out there who think I am just coasting through this dry spell, think again.  Today I had a relatively stressful day - it was not negative stress, in fact a lot of cool things happened today.  It was like when I used to wait tables on a Sunday and not have a single mistake.  The payoff then, however, was always taking my apron off at the end of the shift and counting my tips.  One, two, three.... oh thats right, ten bucks off that six-top... 121,122, 123, and dang, I start feeling pretty darn good about my day and go home happy.

The problem is, now when I get home there is no money counting, no apron, and the stories are different too.  I used to be able to tell my parents about a terrible table that came in to my section, and I could go into every detail and they would understand.  I could go to my buddies that night and tell the same story, then to my girlfriend and tell it again.  Now I am lucky if there are a handful of people who I could tell my work stories to.

What happened today?  Well, we were trying to find the most efficient way to pendant mount a fixture so that the conveyors don't interfere with.... aw hell, who cares, right?  To much back story to get to a punchline.

What do I mean about all this?  Alcohol is a common language we all speak.  We can all clang glasses to a job well done, be it waiting tables, auditing an account book, designing a circuit board, or selling medical supplies to distributors.  Perfect scene in "Office Space" where Peter and Lawrence are talking about "The case of the Mondays" - both havin a beer after a rough day, totally different careers.

Thanks for listening, by the way, I am happy to see I have an audience:)

How to not drink at a party:

I have been through a few parties since I stopped drinking, and I have picked up a few nuggets for anyone who would like to try the same thing.  This post, again, applies to someone who normally drinks at parties.

1. Don't make a deal out of it.  Other than to a few choice friends, I try not to burst into a party exclaiming that I am not drinking.  Don't worry, people will find out.  Someone, usually the host, will offer you a drink, and you just calmly ask for a soda or water.  If the host takes issue, just say that you are thirsty and want some water right now.  (I'm not saying the host is mean or anything, but for a guy like me, not accepting a beer would sound strange.)  After that initial dodge, he/she will be on to hosting the party and forget about you.  I don't want to be dishonest here, but I also don't want to cause a scene the minute I walk into the room.

2. I learned this from my friend Myke - if there is a champagne toast, take the champagne flute, and toast with everyone, cling your glass, then set it down on the table.  When things calm down, ask the person next to you if they want it.  Most likely they will accept without question, as champagne goes down fast and its nice to have two.

3. Once people start to notice and ask why you aren't drinking tonight, be prepared to say "I'm taking a break from it."  Never say "I quit drinking" because people get frazzled.  Don't lie and say you have to get up early, you have to drive, or you are still hungover from the night before.  People will give valid reasons why that is no excuse from not drinking, and it isn't the truth anyway.

4. Take notice of how people are behaving, this may be the first and last time in years that you not drink at a party.  I'm not saying to look for good or bad or anything, but just appreciate what the party is like sober, and take note of anything that jumps out at you.

One down, Eleven to go

Hard to believe a month has gone by already.  I would assume that one whole month without a drink is a stretch for all but the lightest drinkers, but I don't know that.  What I do know is that the thought of having a drink still stays on the front of my mind more often than I would like.

I have also noticed my garbage can does not fill up nearly as much..  I am a catalyst in the house - if I don't drink, Audra and Gabriele don't drink (as much) and Steve (Gabriele's boyfriend) doesn't drink as much (here).  So my garbage has been spared one month - I imagine roughly 12 bottles of wine, 96 bottles of beer, and a bottle or so of vodka between the four of us.

One month assessment: I am sleeping better, I have not gained or lost an ounce of weight, nor have I learned the piano, lithuanian, or written a stand-up comedy act.  I have begun a minor workout routine, but nothing to brag about.

Miss the most? The taste of a beer while leaning against my birch tree in the backyard after a good day of work.

Miss the least? The tab.

Back To Taylors Falls

This is a short documentary of my first drinking experience.  To all my buds who were there, I tried to do this justice, but had to cut so many different events to keep this video at 10 minutes.  It was hard to not get lost in the details.  Only about one third of what we went through that weekend is covered on this video. (by the way, hover over 360p and chose 720pHD if you want to watch in high def, but it may take a while to buffer)

I can see now that drinking entered into my life as a very positive experience, which may be a part of why it became so prominent in my life afterwards.  Perhaps subconsciously every drinking experience was an attempt to recreate this first one.

Forgive me if it gets too touchy-feely, but this place to me represents my growing up, where memories before this trip seem like when I was a little kid, and memories after seem like when I was more of a young man.

Coming up on one month sober.  More on that next post.

Quick Post

I'm working on putting together a video that takes you through my first drinking experience.  I had a great time with Audra walking through Taylor's Falls today filming it, and I think it is going to be a very nice film when it is done.

Not much to say with this post other than I am still going strong, and this week seemed less focused on drinking, other than the two baseball games... oh yeah, and the caramelized beer party that took place after work on Friday. Thats where you dip a red hot poker in your beer and watch the chemical reaction and enjoy the different taste of the beer after.

I'll try to have the video done this week.

Sober Baseball

It turns out my first Twins game at the new stadium happened to be the game they clinched the division.  Of course not being a sports fan I didn't understand the magnitude of that, and we went home before they pulled ahead in the eighth inning.

I remember seeing this episode when I was a kid - it aired when I was 13 years old.  I show this to joke around, and I know there is more to Baseball than watching the game, but being there with no drink, just like being at a bar with no drink, it really feels different.  It takes time to get used to it.  That is why I am not giving up alcohol for one month only, or three months, I want to thoroughly get used to the idea of not drinking.

It's like the old quote from Swingers, when Mike asks how long it will take for his ex girlfriend to call and ask for him back (he wants her to call before he forgets about her).  Rob says, "That's the thing, somehow they know not to call until you really forget."

I want to forget about drinking.  I'm less than three weeks in and I still see it everywhere.  I know it will always be there, just like anything else.  But eventually I really will forget.

Witnessing positive drinking

This was one of the most popular shows in history right?  It was obviously relatable to a large audience.

Had my first sober Friday happy hour.  Excellent bar named Mackenzie's that my coworkers like to go to after a good weeks work for the great beers and awesome bartender/manager.  I had 2 Diet Cokes, and George didn't even charge me.  I almost feel bad showing up and not giving him business.  

Audra came home twice last week and poured a beer into a mug and sipped on it while we watched It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia – a great show that we enjoy.

The way Audra can just sip on one beer and not grab a second really vexes me.  She eats more than I do (sorry sweetie;)), so I know it isn't her getting 'full'.  I guess some people really are wired differently when it comes to drinking, and therefore some of us must show more restraint.

The point of this post is that I am witnessing others drinking responsibly, that is, having one with dinner, or having one at happy hour and driving home.  This shows me that what I am doing is really unnecessary for a certain sector of the drinking population.  I am just not in that sector.

The mind wants to be tricked

Magicians know the mind is easily deceived.  Copperfield was always a favorite of mine.  Of course now anyone can look up how this illusion is done on youtube.  I urge you not to.  Try to keep magic alive.  Making an audience genuinely applaud is one of the greatest gifts someone can give the world.

Unfortunately, my own mind will trick me more often than a magician ever could.  I can talk myself into things, rationalize my actions, make excuses.  There are many well documented cognitive biases that prevent us from making the correct decisions.  It is sometimes amazing to me that society is able to funciton at all becasue of them.  See how many you are guilty of - better still, how many have you found in others?  I bet you will find more that way:)

I've convinced myself that not drinking for a year was a good idea after many years of convincing myself otherwise. Have I finally outsmarted myself, or only just begun to understand myself?

Divine Infinity

One of the things I planned to do with my time is to read some books.  I checked out "A Brief History of Time" by Stephen Hawking.  Without getting religious here, I wanted to share some of the places my mind wanders to when I look up at the night sky.  No matter how much science explains away, I want to say something that most people may not know:  Science has no idea how gravity works.  There are theories, and you can predict how fast something will fall - but there is no known reason why gravity exists.  Even the smartest scientists can not answer the simplest thing that mankind has taken for granted forever.

Things like that allow me to admire the beauty of the universe and the beauty of the atom from a scientific point of view and keeping my faith at the same time.  The rest of the 9 parts pop up once the video is done, if you are interested, it is very interesting. I pause at the beginning and let it buffer because for some reason it keeps lagging.

I made it one week, and believe me, it is hard to look at those beers in the fridge.  It seems silly, but it had become a habit to open one up if one was there. And now they just sit there - probably wondering what they did wrong, ha!  One day at a time.  I can feel the evenings last much longer when I don't have anything.  But i am sleeping better.

Anatomy of a Hangover

I made it through the weekend, whew!

I consider a hangover to be any kind of negative feeling the morning after drinking – not just the really bad ones hangovers that last all day. One of the things I notice about staying sober is how I can still have a slight hangover the morning after, and I can still regret things I did the night before. So instead of having six captain-cokes, I just have six cokes, and have a stomach ache from all the sugar.

Also, if I am talking all night, especially if there is music playing, I will have a hoarse voice and feel dehydrated too. So many things you attribute to too much drinking had nothing to do with the booze.

As far as regret, I would always feel stupid or embarrassed if I did something foolish while drinking. The truth is, it is just as simple to put my foot in my mouth or embarrass myself while sober, only now I don’t have the crutch of being tipsy as an excuse to fall back on.

September 11th seems like a different time to me.

I was drinking beer on September 11, 2001 with my friend Ryan.  I had all kinds of classes the next day to be studying for but I didn't do anything except drink beer and watch the television.  Nobody knew what was going to happen next.  Waking up the next morning was sad because you knew it was real.  The smoke had cleared and you saw the now iconic view of the seventy foot steel skeleton sticking up from a pile of rubble like swords.

Those buildings were immense.  Each one had their own zip code.  They alone could have housed a third of downtown Minneapolis' workforce.  I have a voice recording of me when I was 5 or 6 talking about building a lego tower as tall as them.  I think I had seen the new King Kong or something.

Everyone made it through the 5K today for ovarian cancer.  A real great showing of people.  I made it in 28:17 which was much better than I thought I would.

Audra and everyone came back to the house today after watching their basketball team lose to America at the bar.  I've added a small clip to show you how I would normally be right beside them, probably on my 5th or so drink right now.  We also have to go to a 30th birthday tonight, tons of people, in an outdoor shed style barn type thing.  It's the kind of party that will get loud and go late.  It's one of the hardest things to do right at the first week of being sober - making it through a long party like that, something that will go until 3 or 4 in the morning, and probably nobody knows I'm not drinking.  I'll just keep a glass of diet coke in my hand all night.

Day One

Some people ask if I plan to write every day during this, or they think I am writing too much.  I guess I had a lot of exposition I wanted to get out on the table before I started.  I'll be writing whenever I feel like it and/or am able to.

Ok, day one.  Audra had her first day at her new job today.  Her building downtown is the same one that housed our wedding reception/restaurant three years ago.  I had a half hour to wait for her to get done, and my first inclination was to go down to the bar in that restaurant and grab a beer.  It would be nice to have one with her once she got done too, I thought, since it is neat that these locations coincided. Secondly, today is one month since my mom passed, and I thought a glass of wine with my Dad would have been appropriate.  It got a bit late and I still want to go for a run tonight, so I am going to do that instead.  I am running in a 5k to benefit ovarian cancer on Saturday.  I'm sure Dad understands:)

Overall, a fine cool sober September day.  I found out my good friend Mark is also going to take a break from drinking, so I'll have some company.  It always helps to have someone for moral support.  Or at least to help you think you aren't crazy!

September Seventh, Day One: 156.2lbs

Enemy 4: I owe it to myself

 I saw Bill Cosby live once and he was just hilarious.  This pretty much sums up my point.  I have been responsible, I have worked hard, why shouldn't I be able to enjoy a drink whenever I want?  The only way I can think of to change this mindset is to come up with some other reward for a job well done, and that something needs to be less addictive, less expensive, and more wholesome than drinking, otherwise there is no point.

Enemy 3: The notion that life is short

How do you sell junk that isn't selling well?  Create the illusion of scarcity.  You only go around once, you may as well enjoy it while you can, right?  "Pretty soon you will have kids and you will be begging to go back to the days when you could go out and have a drink with no worries! " is what they tell me.  Maybe they are right.

The idea that you are missing out is a very powerful human emotion.  I can think of few others that are so often manipulated by the media, salesmen, or whoever, than the feeling of missing out.  Deal is good for two days only?  You're only young once?  Man.  Tough to argue that logic.  The truth is I have lots of time. I mean, sure, anyone could get hit by a bus tomorrow, but that isn't the point.  I can just as easily turn your argument on a dime and say "if life is so short, how come a year without alcohol feels so long?"  My twenties just ended, but they felt like they lasted forever.  I am a very different person than when I was 20. What I'm getting at is, if this year goes by and I feel like it was a stupid idea, I'll drink again, but I don't think I will regret not drinking for that one year for the rest of my life - and I do think I will have literally thousands of chances to make up for that lost time in the future.

Ok, easier said than done - because when you are there in the moment, everyone around you is having a good time, there is no element of danger from drinking and letting loose, it is very hard to convince yourself that you are not missing out on the party.  This enemy is only defeated by persistence and resolve - even downright stubbornness to not drink.

Enemy 2: I enjoy the idea of drinking

After six months without a drink, that first one hits me like an emotional tsunami.  The soothing feel of the alcohol kicking in to melt any stresses I had from the day, the positive reinforcement I get when a few work buddies clank their drink with mine after a hard project goes out the door, when the band stops to have the shot the I bought them, and they cheer me and I feel included.  In that moment I go from wondering why I used to drink so much... to wondering how I went so long without it.

Inclusion... feeling special, feeling useful, feeling fun, feeling like no one in the history of parties had ever experienced one like the one I am giving to the world, and alcohol is the key ingredient.  I don't hate drinking, in fact, I'm good at it.  I never took the time to become a wine connoisseur or a beer snob, but I can take a drinker from another city and show him or her a great evening.  I am charming and know just what to say, and when I order you a beer, you look at me, and you are my friend... right?

Can I toast with diet coke?  Can I walk through a party without something in my hand?  Even if I could, do I really want to?  No, of course not.  I like drinking.  It feels like home...  I am told my whole life to "go with what I know" and "do what I'm are good at" and "follow my passion".

So if you haven't figured out by now, quitting drinking is more than just what it says.  It's turning my back on a part of what I have come to know myself as.  All while having friends scratching their heads wondering why I would do such a thing, like when a great show decides to have their last season, or when a great band decides to break up.

Yup.  Its not all about saving money, is it now...

Enemy 1: The Illusion of Success

For all of the perceived benefits I listed of not drinking, strangely, I have not been able to kick the habit.   Why not?  Well, the first demon you must slay is the illusion that you have in fact mastered alcohol, and swear you will never subject yourself to the habitual drinking that your younger "stupider" self did.  "I may have one or two once in a while, but I don't plan to start drinking every day again, or drinking heavily ever again...."

After six months of not drinking, I figured I must not be addicted, and allowed myself to have a beer.  All the benefits I listed above had become old news to me, that is, my budget had adjusted to include the money saved from not drinking, the sober cab idea had become the status quo, and I no longer felt like the alcohol had a hold on me, so how bad could it be to have one or two drinks?

Inside of a month it was back to normal - and friends that had gone without me as a drinkin buddy welcomed me back with open arms.  I remember the first time I had a hangover after going so long without one.  I cried, actually, how stupid I was to go back and waste my saturday in bed feeling like this, but it was too late, everyone knew I was drinking again, and to go around to everyone and tell them it was just a temporary relapse seemed more than my personality could handle at the time.  So I conceded, and that leads me directly to my next enemy...

Reason 5: Growth

I've already touched on a lot of growth opportunities.  My wife, Audra, is from Lithuania by the way.  You will hear more about her later.  What I mean by growth here is more about wisdom.  A long time ago I came up with an idea that I called "structured wisdom".  People can take college classes in high school to learn more ahead of the rest of the class, they can get advanced degrees to get promoted ahead of their peers, but all the while, it seems people only acquire wisdom with time and experience - and some do not even do that.

So, if people can be oblivious and go their lives without gaining wisdom, it seems logical that I can speed up the process as well.  One way is by purposefully putting myself in situations that wise people tell you to avoid, "lest you learn the hard way".  Also, you have to listen to what wise people say, and watch what they do.  Remember, I said wise - not old.  Wise people often have tempered souls from going through years of trying times.  If you go a few years without having trying times, you will get soft (Rocky 3).

I expect that going a year without drinking will be difficult for me, but will not harm me, and so, it will "build character" so to speak.  Think of it as preventative maintenance on my soul, like a regular oil change on my car.  If I regularly subject myself to challenging situations in a somewhat controlled environment, when I am faced with real challenges, real hardships, my soul will be that much more prepared to deal with it.

I could go on with reasons, but that will be it for now.  I hope that at least one if these reasons made sense to the world.  Next I will move to the five greatest challenges I foresee.  Remember, I am committed to this year, but I have been committed before - and there is a reason I started drinking again the past three times.  I may not make it...

Reason 4: Freedom

I socialize a lot. This summer has been so full of parties and BBQ’s, that I am exhausted and actually can’t wait for autumn. Sadly, this summer we also lost mom to ovarian cancer. I remember being at parties as mom’s health began to decline, thinking that I would have to get a taxi if something happened, because I am unable to drive. I hated that feeling.


The ability to drive anywhere on social nights out on the town without fear is very empowering. Combined with the money you save, you can triple the amount of things you can do. Before I would be locked in to going somewhere within walking distance, now I can drive from a jazz band in St. Paul to a piano bar in Minneapolis in the same evening.


I mentioned things like going to the gym, running, or learning a foreign language and you may be thinking “yeah right, we’ll see about that.” I agree with you, just because I’m not drinking doesn’t mean I suddenly have the motivation to work out three times a week. But before the alcohol was preventing me, and now I will at least have the option to do so.


In a smaller sense, freedom means free from something that was in control of me. When I think of why I have to wait until labor day to quit drinking, it’s because I thought, well, I will HAVE to drink on my 30th birthday. If you know me, you know I like to be in control of myself (and sometimes more than that). Drinking was fine until I started realizing it was something I felt I had to do. Then, in standard Wes Whalberg defiance, I decided to tell drinking it had no control over me, and to get out of my life.

Reason 3: Health

Doing this from my phone in Pittsburgh is tough, so I'll be brief. The heaviest drinking years for me were freshmen and sophomore year of college, and second heaviest were the year after undergrad when all my friends turned 21.

I do the math on the binge drinking, and it would seem I've "gotten sick" in the neighborhood of 250 times. That's probably 20 times more than an average non-drinker, and isn't good for your teeth, throat, or stomach. I know many people don't get sick when they drink a lot. I do. If you black out, that's even worse.

In a different view, I don't sleep as well after 3 or more drinks.  I think I do but i don't, and that leads to more coffee during the day which also hurts sleep.  More sleep will help me stay feeling younger longer.

Finally, I mentioned exercise before as a result of having more time, but exercise is even more possible if I'm not drinking.  I've never been able to have three beers at happy hour, then go home and jog three miles.  Now I'll be able to get into a better routine.

A typical week (not atypical)

I’ll continue with the reasons tomorrow, but I wanted fill the world in a little more with how my life is set up. You see, another comment I get a lot is something like “Why don’t you just have a couple?” or “You could just drink on special occasions…” Let me answer that by outlining my week.


Friday (8/20): Cast party after final show with old friends. 4 beers.

Saturday: End of summer barbecue at Chad’s house. Eric is there and I haven’t hung with him in far too long. 2 Guinness, 3 Summer Shandy’s, and 2 Heineken's, plus 3 shots of a Lithuanian berry vodka he brought from his trip out there.

Sunday: 4 glasses of wine watching an interesting documentary while Audra studied for her CPA exam.

Monday: Glass of Sangria with Dad followed by two Budweiser’s at home. No big deal.

Tuesday: Two pre-movie beers before watching Scott Pilgrim vs. The World with Chad, followed by two glasses of Pinot Noir with Adam, who I haven’t seen since graduation, and who picked up the tab.

Prediction for Tonight: Audra found out she passed another CPA exam AND she is taking her third exam tonight. I believe we will either celebrate with a bottle of champagne, a bottle of wine, or both. (Assume 4 drinks)

Prediction for Thursday: Traveling to Pittsburgh, meeting up with good friends for a Saturday wedding. Assume at least three drinks at the bar.

Prediction for Friday: Assuming we don’t want to be hung over for the wedding, I predict a glass or two of wine at the dinner after the rehearsal. Possibly one or two beers at the hotel bar with friends after (Assume 4 drinks)

Prediction for Saturday: Wedding and my 30th Birthday. Forget it, champagne toast, wine with dinner, reception drinks, after bar toasts to my own 30th birthday, I predict 10 drinks at least.

Ok, so that’s 8 days: 46 drinks (at least). An average of almost 6 drinks a day. Yes there are a few random beers that could have easily been cut out, but other than that, I feel like I have to pick and choose who I am drinking with and who I’m not. The cast party could have been cut, and going without the wine with dad would have been fine. The BBQ would have been a tougher sell – as would meeting with Adam. The wedding would be a really tough sell, and especially my 30th birthday.

Think this is an atypical week? I have a lot of circles of friends, a lot of them are from other cultures where drinking is more pronounced than it is here. This summer has been full of special events that warrant a bottle of wine be brought and opened. But I’m not addicted… right? I mean, I always have liquor left in the house and I choose to not drink all the time. I could have had more last night before going to bed, but I didn’t. I believe this mass consumption is a function of the life I’ve built around myself, and I have the power to adjust it.

Reason 2: Time

It's funny, when I announce these plans some of the first comments I get are from women who have had children.  They say, "it's easy, I went nine months no problem" or "My guy was waiting with a six pack after the delivery, I couldn't wait to have a beer:)".  Of course if I had a child inside me that would be harmed by my drinking, I'd like to think it would be easier.  Particularly, you wouldn't have a ton of people offering you drinks everywhere you go.  In fact, it would be the opposite.  Anyone seeing you drinking while pregnant would probably try to take the drink away (one would hope).  I'm not trying to offend anyone who has had a child, no doubt quitting drinking was at least somewhat challenging anyway, and I don't want to dismiss that.  I will have a different experience is all.  I will go deeper into challenges next week.

So, about Time...  Drinking heavy on a Friday night throws off your Saturday.  Drinking heavy on a Saturday night throws off your Sunday and usually sneaks into your workweek as well.  Because you either sleep in late on Sunday or wake up so early hungover that you take a nap Sunday afternoon, you don't get the right sleep Sunday night for a proper Monday morning.

But there are subtler things going on too.  I can function in some capacity with three beers - I can work on a presentation, I can read, or I can research online, that sort of thing.  But chances are I am not going to go for a jog or tackle anything heavy or complicated after a few beers.  It usually ends up being the wind down of the evening.  Little things don't get done during the week, so they take up my weekend.

The first thing you will notice about not drinking through the first weekend is how much longer it feels.  You may fill that time with whatever you want, but I plan to use it to handle some of the areas and activities I have been wanting to do but felt I never had time.  Combined with the money saved (previous post) this could mean boxing lessons, piano lessons, or Lithuanian lessons.  It could also mean nothing at all, but the time will be there now where before it was not.

My 5 Reasons - Reason 1: Money

With fifteen days left I think I will post about my 5 main reasons for doing this and my 5 biggest foreseeable challenges, given the previous experience I’ve had.

Let’s face it, drinking is expensive.  I tracked all of my finances for two months last summer – every single penny.  I found that after my mortgage and food, alcohol was the next largest expense.  I challenge you to try the same thing and see what you come up with.  Do you want to guess what the next biggest expense was?  Gifts!  That’s right, at a time when I was supposed to be ‘pinching pennies’, I had given away almost 200 dollars in stuff to people for birthdays, weddings, housewarmings, etc.

Drinking out of the house is far more expensive than drinking at home, obviously.  Another negative to drinking out is the chance that you will go over the edge and start buying shots or rounds for people, sometimes people you don’t even know.  But even drinking at home isn’t cheap.  My wife and I will split a bottle of cheap wine for 6 bucks, or a 6 pack for the same price.  You trick yourself into saying that it’s only 3 bucks a person, which it is, but in my relationship 9 times out of 10 if I don’t spring for the wine or beer, she'll be just fine without it.  If you do this 15 times a month, you still hit 100 dollars – so that is a minimum.  Because we don’t always drink cheap beer, cheap wine, and we certainly don’t always stay at home.  I have never been hit with a DWI, and I do not drive drunk.  But in MN, you don’t have to be drunk, you just need 3 beers in your system to get a DWI, and that is going to cost you dearly.  Tail light out?  Been drinkin?  Whoops, here comes a $5,000 fine.

I am in a saving mode right now, at least I will be after Labor Day, because I just got done with two years out of work back at school.  I plan to start a family in the next year or so, and a number of other things. I can’t justify the substantial expense that comes with this activity. 

Hello World!

I will start by saying that I am not an alcoholic.  I want the world to understand that alcoholics who try to fight their addiction and are able to overcome it have my utmost respect.  I am not claiming to be one, and therefore I will not compare myself or my situation to that of an actual alcoholic.

That being said, I am also certainly not the kind of person who rarely drinks.  Since sometime around March it is safe to say that I have only experienced 4 or 5 days that were completely alcohol free.  Most of the time it is only two or three beers, or a glass or two of wine.  Weekends or holidays it can get to 6-10 drinks in a day.  Then there are the nights that shoot into the teens, and these occur every few weeks or so.

I also want the world to know that I have quit drinking three times before.  The first two times I made it 6 months, and the third time was around 3 months.  Each time I learned more about myself and the world around me, so I plan to share a number of things from those occasions as well.

--Ground Rules--
1.  No drinking means no alcohol, period. This includes difficult situations like New Years Eve, wedding toasts, even celebrating a newborn child.

2. No other drugs.  There are probably things for alcoholics that would serve the same purpose as a "nicotine patch" would for smokers.  I will not be using anything like this either.

Thats all I can think of for rules.  I hope you find this entertaining and educational.  Seeing as how it is only August 22, I think I will pour me some wine.  See you soon.

Wes W. Whalberg